Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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