i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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