just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
