you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
