is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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