Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize