im drinking this country out of the recession.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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