1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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