If that was your dad, he is hot
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
