You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
