I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
COCAINE IS GR8
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