I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We need a shit load of segways right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
