Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
