No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
