Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
