It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
