Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
