ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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