Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
