I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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