i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
