I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
