Whod you bang
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
