U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize