I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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