I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
why do cheetos always look like penises
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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