Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
