it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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