Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
