just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Houston, we have a blender
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
