he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
