so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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