well you can't waste a boner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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