She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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