Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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