At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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