One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
