college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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