I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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