hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
