I cockslap morals
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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