Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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