My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
