.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How does one acquire holy water?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
