So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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