I have demons in me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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