you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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