when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Come on in and take your pants off
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