you traded sex for a burrito?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
