Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
