I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
