Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
