take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize