Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
