once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
