i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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