I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
