I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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