So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
