Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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