Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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