You made me cry and you don't even care
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
