So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
