I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
